I'm unironically going insane

[Fimbultyr]

All the time of depression till late 2020, it wasn't that bad, as I still had something to strive for. I was prepared to do shitty jobs and work the maximum of hours Germany allows.
All this time I had the dream to live Self-Sufficient, (I always bring this one up, its just stuck to deep in my head). But my possibilities of actually achieving this goal have all been going down the drain, with time, mostly after late 2020.
The chance of being able to live autark in some years, is so incredibly low, that it is impossible for me to work my ass off, for the next years. I'm stuck in the void, not being able to motivate me for anything.
The only times I'm really happy and productive, nowadays is when I lose contact to reality and unironically begin to think, I can tell the future, or can communicate with ghosts, or will travel the world making photos of beautiful body-parts of women (non-sexually), shit like that. Sometimes supplemented by mild hallucinations, like feeling a presence watching me all the time.
These delusions don't last longer than a week max. But after that I feel absolutely drained from any energy and won't be able to do anything productive again.

I refuse to go to a psychologist or anything, cause I know; I could be happy, if my environment wouldn't be shit.
Maybe I will travel to norway next year, living in the woods till I freeze. That sounds at least better than rotting in my room and dwelling in misery for the next years.

Maybe there are people in similar situations like me out there.
How do you cope, with this feeling of floating around in the weightlessness of your mind, constantly attacked by the negativity surrounding you?

 

[『 』]

All the time of depression till late 2020, it wasn't that bad, as I still had something to strive for. I was prepared to do shitty jobs and work the maximum of hours Germany allows.
All this time I had the dream to live Self-Sufficient, (I always bring this one up, its just stuck to deep in my head). But my possibilities of actually achieving this goal have all been going down the drain, with time, mostly after late 2020.
The chance of being able to live autark in some years, is so incredibly low, that it is impossible for me to work my ass off, for the next years. I'm stuck in the void, not being able to motivate me for anything.
The only times I'm really happy and productive, nowadays is when I lose contact to reality and unironically begin to think, I can tell the future, or can communicate with ghosts, or will travel the world making photos of beautiful body-parts of women (non-sexually), shit like that. Sometimes supplemented by mild hallucinations, like feeling a presence watching me all the time.
These delusions don't last longer than a week max. But after that I feel absolutely drained from any energy and won't be able to do anything productive again.

I refuse to go to a psychologist or anything, cause I know; I could be happy, if my environment wouldn't be shit.
Maybe I will travel to norway next year, living in the woods till I freeze. That sounds at least better than rotting in my room and dwelling in misery for the next years.

Maybe there are people in similar situations like me out there.
How do you cope, with this feeling of floating around in the weightlessness of your mind, constantly attacked by the negativity surrounding you?

Stop rotting and try to have an adventure you know
It’s what helped me, get out there

 

[Muri]

All the time of depression till late 2020, it wasn't that bad, as I still had something to strive for. I was prepared to do shitty jobs and work the maximum of hours Germany allows.
All this time I had the dream to live Self-Sufficient, (I always bring this one up, its just stuck to deep in my head). But my possibilities of actually achieving this goal have all been going down the drain, with time, mostly after late 2020.
The chance of being able to live autark in some years, is so incredibly low, that it is impossible for me to work my ass off, for the next years. I'm stuck in the void, not being able to motivate me for anything.
The only times I'm really happy and productive, nowadays is when I lose contact to reality and unironically begin to think, I can tell the future, or can communicate with ghosts, or will travel the world making photos of beautiful body-parts of women (non-sexually), shit like that. Sometimes supplemented by mild hallucinations, like feeling a presence watching me all the time.
These delusions don't last longer than a week max. But after that I feel absolutely drained from any energy and won't be able to do anything productive again.

I refuse to go to a psychologist or anything, cause I know; I could be happy, if my environment wouldn't be shit.
Maybe I will travel to norway next year, living in the woods till I freeze. That sounds at least better than rotting in my room and dwelling in misery for the next years.

Maybe there are people in similar situations like me out there.
How do you cope, with this feeling of floating around in the weightlessness of your mind, constantly attacked by the negativity surrounding you?

Die Deutsche Gesellschaft is a rough world always caring more about your fucking grades and leaving you in the dirt if I can relate mein Freund stay strong

 

[Fimbultyr]

Stop rotting and try to have an adventure you know
It’s what helped me, get out there

Oh, I tried last year. I packed my back and wanted to travel by foot trough germany. I even trained for it.
End result was me walking for 8 hours, then when the evening hit and I wanted to set up my camp for the night. I broke down crying.
Cause I knew it was all just me running away from problems.
This experience is sitting deep in my soul.
I can't make long walks in nature anymore, without breaking down in tears, since then.
It sounds like being a pussy, I know.

 

[『 』]

Oh, I tried last year. I packed my back and wanted to travel by foot trough germany. I even trained for it.
End result was me walking for 8 hours, then when the evening hit and I wanted to set up my camp for the night. I broke down crying.
Cause I knew it was all just me running away from problems.
This experience is sitting deep in my soul.
I can't make long walks in nature anymore, without breaking down in tears, since then.
It sounds like being a pussy, I know.

Maybe you should join a volunteer group, being of service to other people can help put you at ease a lot

 

[Looksmax Refugee]

Is self sufficiency so implausible in a first world country like Germany, where there are so many job opportunities and a relatively good economy?