anon1822
Banned
- Apr 5, 2021
- 323
My parents were talking about getting vaccinated next week, if it were possible. And I was happy, finally I can be sure they don't die from covid.
BUT, immediately my mood was ruined at the thought of leaving the house.
I really gave myself PTSD cause of those 2 years of being an alcoholic. It's been several years since then and I still am deadly afraid of going outside the house, out of fear anybody I ever knew will see me. There were a lot of instances of me humiliating myself totally in public. And for good measure I contacted ex-highschool classmates through facebook, saying cringe shit while I was drunk.
Lmao, I leave the house very rarely, and the one time I did like 2 or 3 years ago, immediately I bumped into one of the few people I dreaded bumping into. One dude from highschool that I contacted from highschool. I was so fucking terrified at the encounter, so ashamed, that I totally froze. He wanted to shake my hand like all excited, and I did the most autistic fucking thing possible. I turned my head and kept walking. Holy fucking shit the cringe. For a month after that I cringed and almost had panic attacks. Should've just shaken his hand and told him I'm busy and need to go. Instead I probably ruined my reputation tenfold. People in this country love moments like these, he was probably really insulted and thus rumor probably spread far and wide about the shit that I did. Fuck. And there was another dude from highschool with him, this one fucking asshole I couldn't stand.
Anyway, when I imagined myself being there getting my vaccine, and then coming home in public transport, I felt weak and anxious and nauseous. Because I imagined encountering anybody I used to know there. God damn it. I need to leave this country, but I can't do that cause my parents and my cat are the only reason I haven't killed myself already, so I don't want to leave them. But at the same time, I dread leaving the house in this city.
BUT, immediately my mood was ruined at the thought of leaving the house.
I really gave myself PTSD cause of those 2 years of being an alcoholic. It's been several years since then and I still am deadly afraid of going outside the house, out of fear anybody I ever knew will see me. There were a lot of instances of me humiliating myself totally in public. And for good measure I contacted ex-highschool classmates through facebook, saying cringe shit while I was drunk.
Lmao, I leave the house very rarely, and the one time I did like 2 or 3 years ago, immediately I bumped into one of the few people I dreaded bumping into. One dude from highschool that I contacted from highschool. I was so fucking terrified at the encounter, so ashamed, that I totally froze. He wanted to shake my hand like all excited, and I did the most autistic fucking thing possible. I turned my head and kept walking. Holy fucking shit the cringe. For a month after that I cringed and almost had panic attacks. Should've just shaken his hand and told him I'm busy and need to go. Instead I probably ruined my reputation tenfold. People in this country love moments like these, he was probably really insulted and thus rumor probably spread far and wide about the shit that I did. Fuck. And there was another dude from highschool with him, this one fucking asshole I couldn't stand.
Anyway, when I imagined myself being there getting my vaccine, and then coming home in public transport, I felt weak and anxious and nauseous. Because I imagined encountering anybody I used to know there. God damn it. I need to leave this country, but I can't do that cause my parents and my cat are the only reason I haven't killed myself already, so I don't want to leave them. But at the same time, I dread leaving the house in this city.