anon1822
Banned
- Apr 5, 2021
- 323
I've talked a lot about how I tried hard to find any interest and I can't muster a genuine interest in anything.
But I can't express how much I feel the need to be a ... master at something, an expert. Every time I see a master in their field, be it chess player, boxer, programmer, actor, artist etc... I always get this primal urge to be the best or at least very good at something.
But it'll never happen. My anhedonic brain has been like this for too long, I just can't have an interest in anything apparently. Much less strong enough to properly motivate me.
That would be true fulfillment for me. Finding something I like more than just rotting in bed browsing the internet. Wouldn't even have to master it tbh, merely having an interest that makes me want to do something more than lying in bed would be fantastic. But it's been years and apparently I just don't like anything.
But I can't express how much I feel the need to be a ... master at something, an expert. Every time I see a master in their field, be it chess player, boxer, programmer, actor, artist etc... I always get this primal urge to be the best or at least very good at something.
But it'll never happen. My anhedonic brain has been like this for too long, I just can't have an interest in anything apparently. Much less strong enough to properly motivate me.
That would be true fulfillment for me. Finding something I like more than just rotting in bed browsing the internet. Wouldn't even have to master it tbh, merely having an interest that makes me want to do something more than lying in bed would be fantastic. But it's been years and apparently I just don't like anything.