Rebbington
👹
- Aug 12, 2021
- 3,584
I just wish I had another start at life even if I was ugly, my brain is beyond repair and my thoughts make me sick its like a disease that unfortunately won’t kill me any time soon. I wish I had a dad who liked me I really liked fishing and all that shit I just wish I had a normal family life, it wouldn’t have to be perfect just sustainable don’t get me wrong I love and care for my gran but she isn’t my mum I honestly hate my mum so fucking much she was and is a disgusting vile junkie who would hit me over the slightest of things she would genuinely mock my poor looks and call me ugly a lot. She loved putting me down, sometimes she would even come over to my grans house and fight and hit her and me I was a lot younger then but still, one day I sent a text to my gran about my suicidal thoughts and all the horrible shit I felt my mum was in the house and read the messages told me to come home then she proceeded to beat me just for being depressed the list goes on and on about the disgusting shit she put me through.
My dad was just as much of an asshole as her he would do all his drugs with her and he would hit me too I don’t know why but I forgive him, he never even talked with me all that much I don’t even know the barest things about him he kind of vanished.
I wish I wasn’t so fucking alone I have legit NO ONE to talk to my age, no one to be my friend during school no one to chat with me no one to hang out with, the only interaction I really had besides “hellos” was talking to people on Xbox I tried everything I joined lots of clubs I did lots of activities I went outside to mingle with people, but no one wanted anything to do with me they would quickly brush me off if I made ANY conversation with them. I kind of jestermaxxed in school by fucking up on purpose acting like a clown walking home mid lesson and the likes it was funny and I got some laughs, but I never had anymore than that really. I did dog shit in terms of school and I have NOTHING to show for the time I spent there, I was coping with the army but that turned out shitty because of me being on anti-depressants and my cutting habit.
I just hate being so lonely and feeling like shit 24/7 even with all the shit that’s went wrong for me I wish I could just make all my feelings stop it’s just been getting progressively worse and worse, I have no idea when it will stop ever nothing has helped me with It. I just wish I had a friend in this world, but NO ONE can be bothered with me. Nowadays I wish that a meteor would just eradicate all of us to be honest. I despise seeing all these people with their perfect families and girlfriends and huge friend groups I don’t give a FUCK if they are “fake” or what ever bullshit id rather have a fake friend than none.
I hate all the habits I have now I get shit sleep and I cant get any dopamine from porn, I sometimes cry while watching porn because I know no one will be inmate with me, and before you say “just get An Escort bro” its not about sex it’s about love I WISH it was about sex, to be accepted in that way by a woman would be the best thing EVER and the best feeling but no not for me I cant have that no matter how hard I try. I am doomed there isn’t a single attractive trait about me my only chance is to wait until I am 30 and betabuxx a roastie, I just want to be loved for once in my life I just want someone to fucking notice I exist that’s all I want the attention I’ve been robbed of, I just hate how pathetic my life has turned out I am so angry I am somehow not angry its an odd indescribable feeling.
Why am I so weird I hate being the odd one out I can remember going to the gym and having people laugh at me just for being me and being there what is so fucking funny about me? I’ve had rubbish flung at me, water sprayed on me and once a lit cig flung at me all because they want to assert power over me even though I am already gone, I hate the looks of disgust people give me why does everyone act like they are better than me.
Fml I just don’t know why a sick sadistic god would put me here.
My dad was just as much of an asshole as her he would do all his drugs with her and he would hit me too I don’t know why but I forgive him, he never even talked with me all that much I don’t even know the barest things about him he kind of vanished.
I wish I wasn’t so fucking alone I have legit NO ONE to talk to my age, no one to be my friend during school no one to chat with me no one to hang out with, the only interaction I really had besides “hellos” was talking to people on Xbox I tried everything I joined lots of clubs I did lots of activities I went outside to mingle with people, but no one wanted anything to do with me they would quickly brush me off if I made ANY conversation with them. I kind of jestermaxxed in school by fucking up on purpose acting like a clown walking home mid lesson and the likes it was funny and I got some laughs, but I never had anymore than that really. I did dog shit in terms of school and I have NOTHING to show for the time I spent there, I was coping with the army but that turned out shitty because of me being on anti-depressants and my cutting habit.
I just hate being so lonely and feeling like shit 24/7 even with all the shit that’s went wrong for me I wish I could just make all my feelings stop it’s just been getting progressively worse and worse, I have no idea when it will stop ever nothing has helped me with It. I just wish I had a friend in this world, but NO ONE can be bothered with me. Nowadays I wish that a meteor would just eradicate all of us to be honest. I despise seeing all these people with their perfect families and girlfriends and huge friend groups I don’t give a FUCK if they are “fake” or what ever bullshit id rather have a fake friend than none.
I hate all the habits I have now I get shit sleep and I cant get any dopamine from porn, I sometimes cry while watching porn because I know no one will be inmate with me, and before you say “just get An Escort bro” its not about sex it’s about love I WISH it was about sex, to be accepted in that way by a woman would be the best thing EVER and the best feeling but no not for me I cant have that no matter how hard I try. I am doomed there isn’t a single attractive trait about me my only chance is to wait until I am 30 and betabuxx a roastie, I just want to be loved for once in my life I just want someone to fucking notice I exist that’s all I want the attention I’ve been robbed of, I just hate how pathetic my life has turned out I am so angry I am somehow not angry its an odd indescribable feeling.
Why am I so weird I hate being the odd one out I can remember going to the gym and having people laugh at me just for being me and being there what is so fucking funny about me? I’ve had rubbish flung at me, water sprayed on me and once a lit cig flung at me all because they want to assert power over me even though I am already gone, I hate the looks of disgust people give me why does everyone act like they are better than me.
Fml I just don’t know why a sick sadistic god would put me here.
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