I have perfected the ultimate no effort NEET workout

Zargrim

Zargrim

NEET
Dec 3, 2020
1,165
For anyone that has basic knowledge of fitness the routine is:
1x1rm compound lower body exercise every 1-3 days
1x1rm compound upper body exercise every day
nothing else

This routine is not designed for people serious about fitness. Who it is designed for however, are the type of people that want decent results for basically no effort. I maintain a bench of about 240lbs on this routine and hex bar deadlift about 355lbs. I didn't get to my current strength levels on this routine, but I'm willing to bet a lot of people could. I am also confident that more athletically inclined people using this routine could get far better results. What I also know is that there are people out there actually working out to maintain my current strength levels, while I sit around doing essentially nothing. You can obviously make modifications to this routine based on your preferences or circumstances, but I will explain what I do and consider to be the routine in it's purest form. Keep in mind that this requires you to have a decent amount of money and space for a home gym.

One thing that I've learned from doing this routine is that it helps me evaluate my mental health better. Generally when I'm feeling good I tend to lift better, and when I'm having anxiety or depression I will regress a bit on my lifts. It may not be the same for everyone, but that is how it usually works for me. It also can be a big daily mood booster to hit a new PR, or at least maintain your current PR. Getting stronger is obviously ideal, but knowing you are not getting any weaker is a nice consolation prize. Going physically all out for a few seconds twice every day has also grown on me a lot, and I genuinely look forward to doing this routine every day. Doing a 1 rep max is not really tiring like doing higher reps, it just feels like you can either lift the weight or you can't. No sweating, breathing heavy, or burning muscles or anything. I said it before, but this workout is not really a workout. Steroids may be the cheat codes for muscles and strength, but this workout is the next best thing and in some ways better because there are no negative side effects.

You could theoretically do this routine in 30 seconds if you wanted, but I personally take around 10-20 minutes, and use it as a nice break away from my computer. You can obviously do this workout whenever if you have a home gym, so you can pick the right time of day when you feel motivated to lift.

-I've found that listening to music helps me, so get some wireless headphones or whatever. Choose whatever music you want and whatever works for you. All I would suggest is that you try listening to music. I generally just walk around the power rack and deadlift area trying to get in the right frame of mind to lift while listening to music.

-The first exercise I do is my one repetition max on the dead stop bench press. Above all else in this workout, I suggest getting a power rack to bench press in so it is impossible to drop the bar on yourself. Do not be a fucking idiot and attempt a 1rm with no spotter and no safeties to catch the bar, you will literally kill yourself. I rest the bar on the safeties and climb under it usually. This isn't necessary, but I hate having to lower the bar onto my chest more than I hate climbing underneath the bar. What is necessary is a dead stop bench press so that you can make sure you get the exact same range of motion every time. The way you progress with this routine is by adding ~1 pound to your lift as often as you can. So you want every lift to be as similar as possible. A lot of people say form is important on the bench press, but I say fuck it and get it up no matter what you have to do. You might get injured this way, but I'm willing to risk it. I have fun contorting my body sometimes and doing whatever it takes to get the bar up. When your form and bar speed improve, think about adding more weight.

-The next exercise I do is my one repetition max on the hex bar deadlift. A lot of people say that deadlifting your 1rm every day is too much. For me it is not, but if it is for you I guess you can switch to every 2-3 days. I've done this routine with both a squat and conventional deadlift (I did 340lbs on the conventional deadlift and 285lbs on the squat), and I like the hex bar the best at this moment. The reasons I don't like the conventional deadlift, is that I have short manlet arms and I often can't clear the bar over my manlet dick and balls, and I'm afraid of tearing my bicep if I pull with mixed grip. The reason I don't like the squat is that I've found it hard to maintain the exact depth every time. The hex bar is probably the simplest compound lower body exercise to perform. I said fuck form with the bench press, but it is essential that you perform the lower body compound exercise with good form. I haven't hurt myself on this routine yet, but I have had my form break down on the lower body exercise and my back has been achy the next day. The times when this has happened it was because I was getting careless and not performing the lift correctly.

-I say no warmups. 2 lifts a day, nothing else.

-If your finances allow you I would suggest getting enough weights to not have to rerack the weights every time you switch from upper to lower body. It is a real pain in the ass to haul around 45lbs plates every time you want to lift. If hauling around 45lbs weights for no reason doesn't bother you, maybe this workout isn't for you.

-Get microplates. The goal is to increase the weight of each lift 1lb or so a day depending on your performance. If you stall, or can't make a lift consider removing 1-2lbs.

-No other strenuous activities. I take 3 very brief walks a day with my father, which is probably as much other physical activity I would suggest.

-Do whatever diet works for you. Personally I think diet is overrated, and I just eat whatever I want and watch my caloric intake. I'm pretty fat now (5'7" 220lbs), but that is because I like eating and hate being under 200lbs. I was very skinny (130ish lbs) my entire childhood and early 20s (I'm 34 now) and I've been down to 165lbs with basically the same lifts for a brief period, and I honestly rather be physically repulsive than walk around knowing that an average female could literally throw me around.

So there it is. Do a 1rm bench press and a 1rm hex bar deadlift a day and you can get decent results for no effort. If you are as lazy and me, but want strength and muscles I can guarantee that you will love this workout.
 
chudur-budur

chudur-budur

5'2" ugliest currycel, freak of nature
Nov 26, 2020
2,389
825.png
 
Sorcerer

Sorcerer

North-Atlantid Slayer. 6.5 inch dick. Blue-Eyes #1
Dec 9, 2020
1,169
For anyone that has basic knowledge of fitness the routine is:
1x1rm compound lower body exercise every 1-3 days
1x1rm compound upper body exercise every day
nothing else

This routine is not designed for people serious about fitness. Who it is designed for however, are the type of people that want decent results for basically no effort. I maintain a bench of about 240lbs on this routine and hex bar deadlift about 355lbs. I didn't get to my current strength levels on this routine, but I'm willing to bet a lot of people could. I am also confident that more athletically inclined people using this routine could get far better results. What I also know is that there are people out there actually working out to maintain my current strength levels, while I sit around doing essentially nothing. You can obviously make modifications to this routine based on your preferences or circumstances, but I will explain what I do and consider to be the routine in it's purest form. Keep in mind that this requires you to have a decent amount of money and space for a home gym.

One thing that I've learned from doing this routine is that it helps me evaluate my mental health better. Generally when I'm feeling good I tend to lift better, and when I'm having anxiety or depression I will regress a bit on my lifts. It may not be the same for everyone, but that is how it usually works for me. It also can be a big daily mood booster to hit a new PR, or at least maintain your current PR. Getting stronger is obviously ideal, but knowing you are not getting any weaker is a nice consolation prize. Going physically all out for a few seconds twice every day has also grown on me a lot, and I genuinely look forward to doing this routine every day. Doing a 1 rep max is not really tiring like doing higher reps, it just feels like you can either lift the weight or you can't. No sweating, breathing heavy, or burning muscles or anything. I said it before, but this workout is not really a workout. Steroids may be the cheat codes for muscles and strength, but this workout is the next best thing and in some ways better because there are no negative side effects.

You could theoretically do this routine in 30 seconds if you wanted, but I personally take around 10-20 minutes, and use it as a nice break away from my computer. You can obviously do this workout whenever if you have a home gym, so you can pick the right time of day when you feel motivated to lift.

-I've found that listening to music helps me, so get some wireless headphones or whatever. Choose whatever music you want and whatever works for you. All I would suggest is that you try listening to music. I generally just walk around the power rack and deadlift area trying to get in the right frame of mind to lift while listening to music.

-The first exercise I do is my one repetition max on the dead stop bench press. Above all else in this workout, I suggest getting a power rack to bench press in so it is impossible to drop the bar on yourself. Do not be a fucking idiot and attempt a 1rm with no spotter and no safeties to catch the bar, you will literally kill yourself. I rest the bar on the safeties and climb under it usually. This isn't necessary, but I hate having to lower the bar onto my chest more than I hate climbing underneath the bar. What is necessary is a dead stop bench press so that you can make sure you get the exact same range of motion every time. The way you progress with this routine is by adding ~1 pound to your lift as often as you can. So you want every lift to be as similar as possible. A lot of people say form is important on the bench press, but I say fuck it and get it up no matter what you have to do. You might get injured this way, but I'm willing to risk it. I have fun contorting my body sometimes and doing whatever it takes to get the bar up. When your form and bar speed improve, think about adding more weight.

-The next exercise I do is my one repetition max on the hex bar deadlift. A lot of people say that deadlifting your 1rm every day is too much. For me it is not, but if it is for you I guess you can switch to every 2-3 days. I've done this routine with both a squat and conventional deadlift (I did 340lbs on the conventional deadlift and 285lbs on the squat), and I like the hex bar the best at this moment. The reasons I don't like the conventional deadlift, is that I have short manlet arms and I often can't clear the bar over my manlet dick and balls, and I'm afraid of tearing my bicep if I pull with mixed grip. The reason I don't like the squat is that I've found it hard to maintain the exact depth every time. The hex bar is probably the simplest compound lower body exercise to perform. I said fuck form with the bench press, but it is essential that you perform the lower body compound exercise with good form. I haven't hurt myself on this routine yet, but I have had my form break down on the lower body exercise and my back has been achy the next day. The times when this has happened it was because I was getting careless and not performing the lift correctly.

-I say no warmups. 2 lifts a day, nothing else.

-If your finances allow you I would suggest getting enough weights to not have to rerack the weights every time you switch from upper to lower body. It is a real pain in the ass to haul around 45lbs plates every time you want to lift. If hauling around 45lbs weights for no reason doesn't bother you, maybe this workout isn't for you.

-Get microplates. The goal is to increase the weight of each lift 1lb or so a day depending on your performance. If you stall, or can't make a lift consider removing 1-2lbs.

-No other strenuous activities. I take 3 very brief walks a day with my father, which is probably as much other physical activity I would suggest.

-Do whatever diet works for you. Personally I think diet is overrated, and I just eat whatever I want and watch my caloric intake. I'm pretty fat now (5'7" 220lbs), but that is because I like eating and hate being under 200lbs. I was very skinny (130ish lbs) my entire childhood and early 20s (I'm 34 now) and I've been down to 165lbs with basically the same lifts for a brief period, and I honestly rather be physically repulsive than walk around knowing that an average female could literally throw me around.

So there it is. Do a 1rm bench press and a 1rm hex bar deadlift a day and you can get decent results for no effort. If you are as lazy and me, but want strength and muscles I can guarantee that you will love this workout.
1. No warmup is insane
2. You could do 3x3 for 3 days a week... Why the routine in your post?
My biggest Gripe: THIS DOESN'T WORK WITH CALISTHENICS 😱
Bodyweight Workout is all some people got....
maxresdefault.jpg
 
Zargrim

Zargrim

NEET
Dec 3, 2020
1,165
1. No warmup is insane
2. You could do 3x3 for 3 days a week... Why the routine in your post?
My biggest Gripe: THIS DOESN'T WORK WITH CALISTHENICS 😱
Bodyweight Workout is all some people got....
maxresdefault.jpg
-I like doing my 1rm every day, it feels good to go all out on two lifts and nothing else
-I don't like warmups because even small amounts of effort tire me out and I like to be 100%, plus it is annoying to constantly change the weights on a bar
-a 1lb increase on a 1rm is less than a 1lb increase on a 3rm, so it is easier to have very small amounts of progress
-daily lifts mean that there is very little pressure to make a lift because you can just try again the next day

This is the first routine I've done that I actually enjoy. I would be fine doing this routine until the day I die. A lot of people do more, but they secretly hate it and will probably stop exercising one day.
 
Last edited:
Unemployed

Unemployed

🥇
Nov 28, 2020
1,142
Sticky this tbh @Haruhi Suzumiya @Alexanderr @Cerberus
 
Unemployed

Unemployed

🥇
Nov 28, 2020
1,142
Sticky this tbh @Haruhi Suzumiya @Alexanderr @Cerberus
Asking the mods to pin this thread once again. It's good to have this thread on the first page tbh. I need a daily reminder to not let myself go. I mean, why not. Neets have the best opportunity and the most time to workout and take care of their bodies.

@Haruhi Suzumiya, @Alexanderr, @Cerberus, @Master
 
Despondent

Despondent

Scion of the Iron Lord
Nov 26, 2020
347
Asking the mods to pin this thread once again. It's good to have this thread on the first page tbh. I need a daily reminder to not let myself go. I mean, why not. Neets have the best opportunity and the most time to workout and take care of their bodies.

@Haruhi Suzumiya, @Alexanderr, @Cerberus, @Master
I have already pinned this thread at your disclosure
 
Brother Wagecuck

Brother Wagecuck

Work and Pray
Nov 28, 2020
686
damn i second the post that said it must have taken alot of thought to write this.

did not read, but good effort OP. I respect that.
 
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